A text, without a context, is but a pretext.
I've never found an interesting person with a foul mouth.
- Marilyn vos Savant
He talks like he is diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
I know what I say at times is not very diplomatic.
- Nikita Khrushchev
Most people have a furious itch to talk about themselves and are restrained only by the disinclination of others to listen. Reserve is an artificial quality that is developed in most of us as the result of innumerable rebuffs.
- W. Somerset Maughan
Look wise, say nothing, and grunt. Speech was given to conceal thought.
- Sir William Osler
Don't knock the weather. If it didn't change once in a while, nine out of ten people couldn't start a conversation.
- Kin Hubbard
Diplomacy is the language of international relations, which can say one thing that has two absolutely opposite meanings...
To the press alone, checkered as it is with abuses, the world is indebted for all the triumphs which have been gained by reason and humanity over error and oppression.
- Thomas Jefferson
Anger is the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.
- Evan Esar
A diplomat is one who can tell a man he's open-minded when he means he has a hole in his head.
She had a pretty gift for quotation, which is a serviceable substitute for wit.
- W. Somerset Maugham
In 1931, Charlie Chaplin and Albert Einstein drove down a street together. Pedestrians waved and cheered. Chaplin explained all of this: "The people are applauding you because none of them understands you, and applauding me, because everybody understands me."
I'm going to speak my mind because I have nothing to lose.
- S.I. Hayakawa
His enemies might have said before that he talked rather too much; but now he has occasional flashes of silence that make his conversation perfectly delightful.
- Syndey Smith writing on Thomas Macaulay, Scottish author and statesman
Cynicism is the intellectual cripple's substitute for intelligence. It is the dishonest businessman's substitute for conscience. It is the communicator's substitute, whether he is advertising man or editor or writer, for self-respect.
- Russell Lynes
A man's judgment cannot be better than the information on which he has based it. Give him no news, or present him only with distorted and incomplete data, with ignorant, sloppy, or biased reporting, with propaganda and deliberate falsehoods, and you destroy his whole reasoning process and make him somewhat less than a man.
- Arthur Hays Sulzberger
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I ever met.
- Abraham Lincoln
A powerful agent is the right word. Whenever we come upon one of those intensely right words in a book or newspaper the resulting effect is physical as well as spiritual, and electrically prompt.
- Mark Twain
It is not necessary to understand things in order to argue about them.
- Caron De Beaumarchais, the Barber of Seville
Never tell all that you know, or do all that you can, or believe all that you hear.
- Portuguese proverb
Scholarship is polite argument.
- Philip Rieff, associate professor, University of California
Man does not live by words alone, despite the fact that sometimes he has to eat them.
- Adlai Stevenson
The time to stop talking is when the other person nods his head affirmatively but says nothing.
- Henry S. Haskins
Writers have two main problems. One is writer's block, when the words won't come at all, and the other is logorrhea, when the words come so fast that they can hardly get to the wastebasket in time.
- Cecilia Bartholomew
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
- Woody Allen
The covers of this book are too far apart.
- Ambrose Bierce
A man of few words, Calvin Coolidge explained why: "I found out early in life that you never have to explain something you haven't said."
"For the first six months, you should listen and not become involved in debate," Disraeli advised a newly elected member of Parliament. "But," the man replied, "my colleagues will wonder why I do not speak." "Better they should wonder why you do not speak," explained Disraeli, "than why you do."
What's your "Contact Quotient" or CQ?
Richness or quality of contact achieved
CQ = ---------------------------------------------------------
Richness or quality of contact possible
Aim on maximizing the CQ between yourself and others.
- John Steward, "Bridges, Not Walls"
If you can ask the right question, you will find that it contains some or most of the right answer.
Seek not so much to be understood as to understand.
- St. Francis of Assisi
He talked with more claret than clarity.
- Susan Ertz
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
- Marlin Tupper
I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.
- Robert McCloskey
Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent.
- Victor Peale
Confidence, like art, never comes from having all the answers; it comes form being open to all the questions.
- Earl Gray Stevens
There are two kinds of light--the glow that illuminates, and the glare that obscures.
- James Thurber
The man who can think and does not know how to express what he thinks is at the level of him who cannot think.
- Pericles
Seven Principles of Good Communication
1. Keep it simple
2. Use metaphors and analogy
3. Use many different forums to spread the word
4. Repeat, repeat, repeat
5. Lead by example
6. Explicity address inconsistencies
7. Listen and be listened to
- John P. Kotter, "Leading Change"
A scatterbrain is one who never has an unspoken thought.
A bore is a fellow who opens his mouth and puts his feats in it.
- Henry Ford
Blessed is he who, having nothing to say, refrains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
The boor is of no use in conversation. He contributes nothing worth hearing, and takes offense at everything.
- Aristotle
Definition of a bore: A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
- Ambrose Bierce
The wise man, even when he holds his tongue, says more than the fool when he speaks.
- Thomas Fuller
Dentopedalogy is the science of opening your mouth and putting your foot in it. I've been practicing it for years.
- Prince Philip
The are no illegitimate questions, only illegitimate answers.
- Hershel Shanks
A loud voice cannot compete with a clear voice, even if it's a whisper.
- Barry Neil Kaufman
Never answer a letter while you are angry.
- Chinese proverb
When it comes to talking, supply often exceeds demand.
- Grant M. Bright
Nobody talks much who doesn't say unwise things - things he did not mean to say. Talk, to me, is only spading up the ground for crops of thought. I can't answer for what will turn up.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes
Nothing is often a good thing to say, and always a clever thing to say.
- Will Durant
To listen well is as powerful a means of communication and influence as to talk well.
- Chief Justice John Marshall
The less you talk, the more you're listened to.
- Abigail Van Buren
No one means all he says, and yet few say all they mean. For words are slippery and thought is vicious.
- Henry Brooks Adams
I was angry with my friend:
I told my wrath, my wrath did end.
I was angry with my foe:
I told it not, my wrath did grow.
- William Blake
The saddest words of tongue are those that could have been said.
- Grant M. Bright
When you are angry say nothing and do nothing until you have recited the alphabet.
- Ascribed to Athenodorous Cananites, 1st century B.C.
When angry, count ten before you speak; if very angry, a hundred.
- Thomas Jefferson
When angry, count four; when very angry, swear.
- Mark Twain
To speak ill of others is a dishonest way of praising ourselves... let us be above such transparent egotism.
- Will Durant
I have made this letter longer because I lack the time to make it shorter.
- Blaise Pascal
Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man.
- The Bible, Colossians 4:6
Do not say things. What you are stands over you the while and thunders so that I cannot hear what you say to the contrary.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Most conversations are simply monologues delivered in the presence of a witness.
- Margaret Millar
Expression deepens impression.
All questions are valid. There is no such thing as a stupid or dumb question. Questions simply reflect the perspective and present knowledge of the questioner.
- Grant M. Bright
Five Phases of a Collaborative Conversation
1. Clarify the purpose of the conversation
2. Gather divergent views and perspectives
3. Build shared understanding of divergent views and perspectives
4. Create "new" options by connecting different views
5. Generate a conversation for action
- Mastering the Art of Creative Collaboration, Robert Hargrove
It's important to talk to people in their own language. If you do it well, they'll say, "Gosh, he said exactly what I was thinking." And when they begin to respect you, they'll follow you to the death. The reason they're following you is not because you're providing some mysterious leadership. It's because you're following them.
- Lee Iacocca
What you read is news.
What you hear is background.
What you feel is opinion.
Communication Barriers:
1. Name-calling
2. Diagnosing
3. Ordering (Saying "Do it or else!" only stimulates curiosity about the "else")
4. Threatening
5. Diverting ("So you think you've had a bad day ....")
6. Sarcasm ("Can't you take a joke?")
7. Dragging up the past
8. Negative comparisons ("Why aren't you more like ...")
9. Judgemental "You" messages
10. Lecturing
When all is said and done, usually more has been said than done!
If you're not sick and tired of communicating, you're not doing it enough.
- Charlie Shedd
No Trifle
A friend had admired a beautiful statue that Michelangelo had carved. Coming to him some time later, the friend was surprised to find him still working on the same statue. Michelangelo pointed out all the improvements he had made in the meantime, to which his friend replied, ‘But these are only trifles.’ In reply, Michelangelo said: ‘Yes, that is true. But trifles make perfection and perfection is no trifle!’ So while many times the refinements made in understanding may not seem of great importance, they do help to make our understanding of a subject more nearly complete or perfect.
The worst thing about a bore is not that he won't stop talking, but that he won't let you stop listening.
He has occasional flashes of silence that make his conversation perfectly delightful.
The greatest problem of communication is the illusion that it has been accomplished.
What do you mean we don't communicate? Just yesterday I faxed you a reply to the recorded message you left on my answering machine.
I am unanimously in support of what I said even if others disagree.
Women speak two languages, one of which is verbal.
The spoken word belongs half to him who speaks, and half to him who listens.
I thought you brought the tickets!
To get the right answer, it helps to ask the right question.
Communication Barriers
How well we communicate is determined not by how well we say things but how well we are understood.
If you don't give people information, they'll make up something to fill the void.
If you want to build trust in a relationship, make sure you use appropriate body language. When you speak to someone, face them directly, (nose to nose, toes to toes) rather than at an angle where their prerception may be that you are giving them the "cold shoulder."
Communication without compassion is brutality.
Management is like writing in the snow. You've got to keep repeating the message over and over.
It's a mistake to think we listen only with our ears. It's much more important to listen with the mind, the eyes, the body, and the heart. Unless you truly want to understand the other person, you'll never be able to listen.
Seven Principles of Good Communication
What we learn to do, we learn by doing.
When dealing with difficult BEHAVIORS say: "When you (describe behavior), I feel (describe feeling), and this results in (describe effect)."
- George Bernard Shaw
- Wall Street Journal
- Dan Quayle
- Steve Rubenstein
- French Proverb
- Couple overheard at the Charlotte Douglas International Airport
1. Name-calling
2. Diagnosing
3. Ordering (Saying "Do it or else!" only stimulates curiosity about the "else")
4. Threatening
5. Diverting ("So you think you've had a bad day ....")
6. Sarcasm ("Can't you take a joke?")
7. Dragging up the past
8. Negative comparisons ("Why aren't you more like ...")
9. Judgmental "You" messages
10. Lecturing
- Andrew Grove
- Carla O'Dell
- Sharon Johnson, IBM
- Mark Herndon
(Interestingly, the Chinese character for "listen", pronounced "ting" consists of pictures of the ear, eye, and the heart.)
1. Keep it simple
2. Use metaphors and analogy
3. Use many different forums to spread the word
4. Repeat, repeat, repeat
5. Lead by example
6. Explicitly address inconsistencies
7. Listen and be listened to
- John P. Kotter, "Leading Change"
The EAR model is a useful tool for effective listening:
E - EXPLORE using open-ended questions such as "What" and "How", OBSERVE non-verbals
A - ACKNOWLEDGE by paraphrasing what you think the message was
R - RESPOND
When listening, people spend most of their time responding. To be an effective communicator, spend more time exploring, observing and acknowledging.
99% of all problems in communications start with mis-understandings which develop as a result of differing viewpoints and conditioning.
The most important component in COMM_NICATION is the YOU (U), and, unfortunately, as in the spelling of the word here, it is often overlooked or missing.
When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
The ability to express an idea is well nigh as important as the idea itself.
- Bernard Baruch
If you explain so clearly that no one can misunderstand, somebody will.
Silence is argument carried on by other means.
- Che Guevara
It is all right to hold a conversation but you should let go of it now and then.
- Richard Armour
Diplomacy is thinking twice before saying nothing.
Get in touch with the way the other person feels. Feelings are 55% body language, 38% tone and 7% words.
It is better to use short common words and be thought half-educated than to utilize sesquipedantic locutions and remove all doubt.
People should talk less and draw more. Personally, I would like to renounce speech altogether and, like organic nature, communicate everything I have to say visually.
- Goethe
A facilitator was presenting a session on leadership to the security and administration staff of a California woman's prison. In order to get the attention of the group after breaks and sub-group discussions, the facilitator suggested using an old wagon train technique of raising the hand and shouting "Ho!" The group gave a non-verbal indication that showed some uneasiness. The facilitator inquired as to their concern and discovered that in a woman's prison the word "ho" was slang for "whore". Needless to say, shouting "Ho!" would NOT be appropriate in this setting!
The correct strategy for Americans negotiating with Japanese or other foreign clients is a Japanese strategy: ask questions. When you think you understand, ask more questions. Carefully feel for pressure points. If an impasse is reached, don't pressure. Suggest a recess or another meeting.
- John L. Graham and Roy A. Herberger Jr.
WATCH WHAT YOU SAY!
In the course of your conversation each and every day,
Think twice, try to be careful of what you have to say;
Your remarks may be picked up by someone's ear,
You may be surprised at what some people think they hear.
Things that you innocently say, or try to portray,
Can be changed, and greatly exaggerated along the way;
Many stories change for the worse as they are retold
So try to keep any questionable remarks "on hold".
May I give all of you some very sound advice?
When you speak of others, say something nice;
Try to say good things, regardless of who is around,
If you have nothing good to say, don't utter a sound.
You may find that an innocent remark, in the end,
May lose you a close and valued friend.
- Henry Lesser
When in doubt, ask.
When not in doubt, ask.
-If you are not in doubt, you may be kidding yourself.
Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind.
- Rudyard Kipling
IT'S NOT WHAT YOU SAY, IT'S HOW YOU SAY IT:
- "You look like the first day of Spring" vs "You look like the last day of a long hard winter"
- "When I look at you, the wheels of time stand still" vs "Your face could stop a clock"
God gave us two ears but only one mouth. Some people say that's because he wanted us to spend twice as much time listening as talking. Others claim it's because he knew listening was twice as hard as talking.
In the last analysis, what we ARE communicates far more eloquently than anything we SAY.
You can say "no" and smile only when there's a bigger "yes" burning inside you.
When bitten by a poisonous snake, what's the best thing to do? Remain quiet, apply a suction cup if you have a snakebite kit, seek help. What's the worse thing to do? Get upset, chase the snake and kill it. When unintentionally or intentionally the victim of an unkind remark, what's the best thing to do? Forgive, move on, let go of the anger and resentment. What's the worse thing to do? Strike back, harbor resentment and anger.
- Grant M. Bright
Very often when you look at the moon, you see only a part of it, but you know there is a much larger object there. Very often we look (or converse) with a person, and we see or are aware of only a small sliver of their life and we may think that that is all there is. Try to get to know more about the whole person!
A gossiper is a person who talks to you about others. A dull person is a person who talks to you about themselves. An interesting person is a person to talks to you about yourself.
What is the shortest word in the English language that contains the letters: abcdef? Answer: feedback. Don't forget that "feedback" is one of the essential elements of good communication.
BODY LANGUAGE often communicates more than words do. In front of a group, do the following: Say "Watch me and do what I ask you to do. Make a circle with your thumb and forefinger - like this. Now put this circle on your chin." (As you say this, put the circle on your cheek.) Many will put the circle on their cheek rather than their chins, showing that they were following the body language rather than the words.
The 500 most commonly used words have an average of 28 meanings each. Look up the word "run" in the dictionary for an example.
- Grant M. Bright
It because very convenient for people to switch their positions when they are allowed to use vague language or information. Challenge them!
How many languages are there in the world? How about almost 6 billion! Each of us talks, listens, and thinks in his/her own special language that has been shaped by our culture, experiences, profession, personality, mores and attitudes. The chances of us meeting someone else who talks the exact same "language" is pretty remote. (By the way, it is estimated that there are approximately 4500 different languages spoken in the world, depending on how you view certain dialects.)
His thoughts were slow, His words were few, And never formed to glisten, But he was a joy to all his friends, You should have heard him LISTEN!
| End of Quotes on "Communication" |