Going to the balcony is a way to collect your wits in the midst of conflict, to distance yourself from your natural impulses and emotions, according to William Ury. If you mentally go to the balcony...actually picture yourself walking up the steps to a balcony...and look down on the stage of any troublesome situation, you see a bigger picture. You can get above the emotions of the moment and see the relatedness of the parts, including you! It becomes clearer that when something changes in one part of the picture, it affects the other parts. When you take the long view, you see patterns and natural cycles in behavior over time.
- Sharon Eakes

Win/win is an attitude, not an outcome
- Don Boyd

It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.
- Darin Weinberg

We do not have to agree; we do need to understand.

The number one goal in resolving a conflict is to make sure both sides maintain their self-esteem.

Questions you can use when mediating a 2 person conflict: (ask each person)
1. What contribution do you bring to the team (or organization)?
2. What actions or habits do you have that may be unsettling or irritating to the other person?
3. What does the other do that annoys you?
4. What do you find valuable about each other?
5. What outcomes do you hope for as a result of this conflict resolution process?

If your attitude is "When you WIN, rub it IN", you are doomed to eventual failure.

Common INEFFECTIVE strategies for resolving conflict:
1. Always BLAME others
2. GENERALIZE whenever possible - use words like always and never.
3. DENY that any problem exists
4. PERSONALIZE the dispute

One of the best ways to persuade others is with your ears - by listening to them.
- Dean Rusk

Resolving conflict is rarely about who is right. It is about acknowledgment and appreciation of differences.
- Thomas Crum

In one of our concert grand pianos, 243 taut strings exert a pull of 40,000 pounds on an iron frame. It is proof that out of great tension may come great harmony.
- Theodore E. Steinway

Conflict isn't negative, it just is.
- Thomas Crum

Under normal conditions, most people tend to see what they want to see, hear what they want to hear, and do what they want to do; in conflicts, their positions become even more rigid and fixed.
- Marc Robert

Embracing conflict can become a joy when we know that irritation and frustration can lead to growth and fascination.
- Thomas Crum

It is hard to change our point of view in a conflict. Most often, it is because we are not nearly as interested in resolving the conflict and possibly creating a new "pearl" as we are in being right.
- Thomas Crum

In a conflict, being willing to change allows you to move from a point of view to a viewing point -- a higher, more expansive place, from which you can see both sides.
- Thomas Crum

Conflict can be seen as a gift of energy, in which neither side loses and a new dance is created.
- Thomas Crum

Through conflict we get to unity.
- Dean Tjosvold

Our lives are not dependent on whether or not we have conflict. It is what we do with conflict that makes the difference.
- Thomas Crum

When conflict becomes a win-lose contest in our minds, we immediately try to win.
- Thomas Crum

Embracing conflict can become a joy when we know that irritation and frustration can lead to growth and fascination.
- Thomas Crum

When we perceive conflict as a threat to our ego, our reaction is to defend or attack.
- Thomas Crum

Conflict management and problem solving are part of the same process.
- Thomas Isgar

Conflict can destroy a team which hasn't spent time learning to deal with it.
- Thomas Isgar

Unresolved conflict leads to less-than-adequate performance, resentments, and lack of motivation.
- Fran Rees

Well-managed, cooperative conflict contributes to the productivity and innovativeness of organizations and the competence and well-being of people.
- Dean Tjosvold

Conflict involves incompatible behaviors rather than competitive goals.
- Dean Tjosvold

Assumption of cooperative goals leads to viewing the conflict as a common problem to be solved for mutual benefit.
- Dean Tjosvold

Cooperative conflict builds people up, strengthens their relationships, and gets things done.
- Dean Tjosvold

Work on developing a cooperative relationship, so when conflict comes, you believe you are allies.
- Dean Tjosvold

Conflict lies at the core of innovation.
- Emanuel R. Piore

If necessity is the mother of invention, conflict is its father.
- Kenneth Kaye

Conflict is neither good nor bad. Properly managed, it is absolutely vital.
- Kenneth Kaye

If we manage conflict constructively, we harness its energy for creativity and development.
- Kenneth Kaye

Within-group conflict is always personal and emotional -- even if it begins with impersonal issues.
- Kenneth Kaye

Opposites attract -- and then can't stand each other.
- Kenneth Kaye

If you are leaning over to starboard to balance the boat against the other guy's propensity to lean too far to port, both of you are about to get wet.
- Kenneth kaye

No matter how thin you make a pancake, it always has two sides.

You don't have to worry about being bit if the dog doesn't have any teeth.

UNDERSTANDING does not necessarily mean AGREEMENT.

He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides.

Often statistics are used as a drunken man uses lamp posts... for support rather than illumination.

If you are losing a tug-of-war with a tiger, give him the rope before he gets to your arm. You can always buy a new rope.
- Max Gunther

Sometimes you just have to play hard ball.

Remember: The world is not fair - but it is NEGOTIABLE!

The correct strategy for Americans negotiating with Japanese or other foreign clients is a Japanese strategy: Ask questions. When you think you understand, ask more questions. Carefully feel for pressure points. If an impasse is reached, don't pressure; suggest a recess or another meeting.
- John L. Graham and Roy A. Herberger Jr.

It is always easier to ride a horse in the direction it is going. If the horse dies, get off of it.

OVERCOMING CONFLICT:
When you ______________ (or) When (describe situation) I feel (describe feelings). What I would appreciate is (state specific change) so that WE can (state accomplishment) and avoid (state negative consequences).

Never play cat and mouse games if you're a mouse.

Power Base: A large ocean liner was headed across the Atlantic from Portsmouth to New York. As it neared its destination at night, a lookout on the wing of the bridge reported "Light, bearing on the starboard bow." "Is it steady or moving astern?" the captain called out. The lookout replied, "Steady, captain," which meant that they were on a collision course. The captain then called to the signalman, "Signal that ship: We are on a collision course, advise you change course 20 degrees." Back came a signal, "Advisable for you to change course 20 degrees." The captain said, "Send, I'm a captain, change course 20 degrees." "I'm a seaman, second class," came the reply. "You had better change course 20 degrees." By that time the captain was furious. He spat out, "Send, This is the mighty ocean liner, HMS Franconia. Change course 20 degrees." Back came the flashing light, "This is a lighthouse, suggest you change course 20 degrees." Needless to say, the ocean liner changed course!

Use non-verbal communication to SOFTEN the hard-line position of others:
S = Smile
O = Open Posture
F = Forward Lean
T = Touch
E = Eye Contact
N = Nod

Win-Win NEGOTIATING is:
Two or more parties COMMUNICATE to reach an AGREEMENT in which all parties feel their NEEDS are satisfied and all parties are COMMITTED to follow through, based on a foundation of common and opposing INTERESTS, and aimed at maintaining or enhancing the RELATIONSHIP.

Handling ANGER: You can't calm another person down. Their thoughts got them angry. Only their thoughts can calm them down. Your role is to try to influence their thoughts.

Don't wrestle a pig in a mud hole. You both get all dirty, and the pig enjoys it.

We own almost all our knowledge not to those who have agreed but to those who have differed.
- Charles Caleb Colton

Tell the TRUTH: A man came across a rare antique desk. He "bargained" to get the best price, telling them he only really wanted the legs, not disclosing the true value of the object. After striking an agreement, he arranged to pick up the desk the next day. When he arrived, he found that they had cut the table in pieces! "Why?" he asks. "Well," they reply, "We noticed you had a very small car and thought that it would be difficult for you to put the whole desk in, so, since you really only wanted the legs anyway...."
- taken from an old Alfred Hitchcock show

A man in an insane asylum kept insisting he was Jesus Christ. Two psychologists after talking with him for a while asked "Are you REALLY Jesus Christ?" The man replied "Yes." The psychologists left and returned shortly with some roughly hewn posts and some nails. As they approached the man he blurted out "Hold on, I'm reconsidering my position!"

INFLUENCING OTHERS: People will only change and "play ball" when, in their terms, it makes sense for them to do so. And, it makes more sense when they come to the conclusions themselves. Therefore, to influence others, don't TELL them, ask open-ended questions which will draw them to the conclusions you wish to make.